Her Eyes Said Everything

I worshiped with my kids tonight. It’s not really something new. We make a point to have our family sit together in church, but tonight we experienced something a little different. My daughter is fifteen and one of the areas we connect the most is music. We like the same music. I love… absolutely love having teenagers because they introduce things in my life that I might not otherwise discover. My teens show me new music all the time… awesome music. Tonight we went to a Barlow girl concert together.

At first it was supposed to be just me and my daughter but I didn’t see why the teen boys shouldn’t come. Frankly I was surprised the boys wanted to come. Barlow Girl is very… uh… girly. But they did want to come and so we headed out for the concert.

I love my teenagers. Did I already mention that? They are so… goofy and raw and real. They say what is on their minds and many times what is on their hearts. Ya know, the older my children get the more I enjoy them. I love to hear about their journey to discover who they are. They go so boldly. They don’t hold back.

Not like us… Adults have something holding them back: responsibility. We are too busy being grown up to go on a journey of the heart. We have buried our hearts deep and it’s too painful to dig them up. I don’t like being a grown-up.

So we bought our tickets and poured into the building. I could feel the anticipation build. We found a pew as close to the front as we could and settled in. My baby girl leaned on my shoulder. It was like her excitement was so great, that she had to hold onto something before it blew her away. Here we were expecting something awesome. Not the people that were going to be playing music but somehow expecting God to show up… to show up in the way he does when we listened to the music at home… in our quiet place.

But this time we were not alone in our quiet place… this time we were standing with others to raise our voices high. There is something to be said for corporate worship. I can’t even put into words what happens there but this I know: I want to experience this WITH the people I love. I want to experience this with my teens.

Then something happened. A friend came in and wanted her teen girl to sit on the row with the other teenagers and could I please sit in the row behind them. And I moved. Because that is what adults do… we are responsible. I could feel my heart retreating… going deeper in.

We listened to the opening band and I tried desperately to block out my disappointment and surrender to worship but every now and again my daughter would glace over her shoulder at me. She was disappointed too.

During intermission I took my chance when some kids went to the bathroom. They were pews… we could squeeze. I took my place between my kids and ordered the other teens to scoot down. I didn’t care if it was a tight fit I had a responsibility… to my heart.

Before I know it my kids will be packing up and loading their cars and heading off into the world. I will not sit next to them in church anymore. I won’t be driving them to concerts. They will show the new music to their friends… not me. They will sit up late on the couch and pour their heart out to someone else. They will spread their wings and go into the world.

This time is precious.

I feel like I am watching my babies take their first steps. Every time they tell me a new discovery or a new revelation, I know they go further and further away. I will no longer show them the world, they will discover it for themselves.

I didn’t get to stay sandwiched between my teens the whole concert. That was OK. My daughter was one down and she was close enough to lean in and whisper what she thought the next song was. It was kind of neat that it was too loud to hear what she was saying most of the time.

Because her eyes said everything.

The memory struck me all at once. The first time I really connected with those eyes. All the old nurses and parenting books said so. The eye contact was the most important thing. “When you’re feeding your baby make a point to look into her eyes… that’s when you bond,” it said.

Hours upon hours I looked at those big brown eyes. She suckled and I drank in those beautiful eyes. I can see them as clear as if it were right in from of me: tiny pink hands… miniature nose and big saucer eyes.

This time she looked at me, but I was not feeding her… (not milk anyway.) This was food for the soul. This was the time for her to come to the water and drink for herself. And I am just privileged to witness the event. I feel no more responsible for her spiritual journey than I do for bringing her into the world. I just stand in awe that the one who created her knew exactly what she needed. I get to stand back and watch.

I surrendered myself to worship and the message that came from the Word. I allowed it to just wash over me.

There were other awesome things that happened. I got to speak some awesome words over my boys. I got to pray over some girls who needed to know their value. I got to speak the truth… but nothing compared to the opportunity to be a spectator to see my own children press toward the Lord… to see the light gleaming in my daughter’s eyes and to see my boys’ backs straighten when they were told they are made for greatness and called to do amazing things.

They have their whole lives in front of them. The ARE called to do great things. To take on the world boldly. To embark on their journey without fear. I want to be fearless like them. I want my children to hold onto their dreams and be inspired to do greater things than they ever imagined... to grasp life firmly and never let go.